I'm not gonna complain about medicine today.. For a change 'ey? ;p
As you know, I'm in the OTC (since second year uni). OTC is simply the cadet thing you do in school (I know MS had this, and in the UK it's known as the Combined Cadet Force (CCF)). OTC is an officer training thing for the British Army, catered for University Students... As these are (theoretically) the potential officers...
The aim of the OTC is to prepare you to be an officer (self-explanatory) in the British Army and in Dundee, the army theories are taught on Wednesday nights and on (most) weekends you put the theory into practise at real army training camps. And when they recruited us, the OTC always said that education comes first... And that the OTC comes second and you can do as much or as little as possible... Also, as it's affiliated with the British Army, we are essentially 'working' for the British Army, and we get paid...
Sounds good, doesn't it? When I was in second year, I honestly thought I'd like to join the Brunei Army (great benefits... most important of them all (to me) was the early retirement and availability of the pension!) and this would make me stand out abit more than all the other hopefuls. Hence I joined (persuaded by my friends... both have left the OTC)... I decided earlier on that OTC will not be my main priority in life in Dundee.
Three years on... I'm still in the OTC... I have learnt interesting facts, but due to the fact that I don't go to most weekends, I am not able to practise it. And I can't do basics...!!! The thing that gets to me most is the fact that I can't bloody remember what to do with the rifles!!! I'd be ok during a weekend, and a month later, hand me a rifle, and I'd forget it right away again!! It is so annoying!! I should make an effort to go to weekends when they do teach us rifle-y things... But these weekends always coincide with things I have earlier decided are more important in my life (eg Netball tournaments, puasa - and hence don't want to exert myself, Bruneian things etc etc)...
Sigh... With my friends having left the OTC, and the friends I have left have been promoted (and hence won't be doing the same things as I am), and I don't go often enough to make new friends... I am friendless in the OTC!!! It is such a depressing situation!
Tonight, Fiona wasn't there and I was there standing alone with all these kids!!! (Seriously.. first years. 17year olds...) I don't feel the neccessity to befriend them as I know it'd be just superficial fake friendship which we'd build, if it can even be called a friendship!!
So yes... I'm thinking OTC is sucking the life out of me! Everytime I go, I always feel that bit lower. Should I quit OTC? But I do enjoy it... I don't want to quit. Emma used to tell me that I'd only get more if I give more... So perhaps the answer to all this is to put more effort in and do more OTC related things...
Can I do that? Do I want to do that? Do I want to be thiking OTC the whole time. Do wholly army-ish thing when I have breathing space? Do I? I am NOT superwoman! I know I can't do everything!! Sigh... My fikiran is bercelaru... This is possibly just a short-lived confusion.. But I must say.. the thought of leaving has been lurking in my mind for quite a bit now. I guess I'm afraid to quit, and I feel that I'd possibly get more out of OTC yet.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? I guess this is an unfair question, because you've not been in OTC.. Sigh...
Anyway.. let me end this with a happier note of why I like OTC:
1. I know slightly more army-ish related things now
2. Northern Cobra Ex 2 in Uganda with them
3. Access to rifles!!
4. Putting on camo is fun ;p
5. It does tests my fitness (everyone knows I hate walking!) and mentality (like this confusion that I have)
6. Ceilidh dancing!! =)
7. It's something different and fun
8. Taught me the 'art' of ironing greens and boots polishing (both of which I still hate!)
9. Regular officers (that means those who are full time army people) can be nice people even if they do have profane words coming out of their mouths 99% of the time!
10. And friends - at least two, whose wedding I will try my very best to go to!!!
As you know, I'm in the OTC (since second year uni). OTC is simply the cadet thing you do in school (I know MS had this, and in the UK it's known as the Combined Cadet Force (CCF)). OTC is an officer training thing for the British Army, catered for University Students... As these are (theoretically) the potential officers...
The aim of the OTC is to prepare you to be an officer (self-explanatory) in the British Army and in Dundee, the army theories are taught on Wednesday nights and on (most) weekends you put the theory into practise at real army training camps. And when they recruited us, the OTC always said that education comes first... And that the OTC comes second and you can do as much or as little as possible... Also, as it's affiliated with the British Army, we are essentially 'working' for the British Army, and we get paid...
Sounds good, doesn't it? When I was in second year, I honestly thought I'd like to join the Brunei Army (great benefits... most important of them all (to me) was the early retirement and availability of the pension!) and this would make me stand out abit more than all the other hopefuls. Hence I joined (persuaded by my friends... both have left the OTC)... I decided earlier on that OTC will not be my main priority in life in Dundee.
Three years on... I'm still in the OTC... I have learnt interesting facts, but due to the fact that I don't go to most weekends, I am not able to practise it. And I can't do basics...!!! The thing that gets to me most is the fact that I can't bloody remember what to do with the rifles!!! I'd be ok during a weekend, and a month later, hand me a rifle, and I'd forget it right away again!! It is so annoying!! I should make an effort to go to weekends when they do teach us rifle-y things... But these weekends always coincide with things I have earlier decided are more important in my life (eg Netball tournaments, puasa - and hence don't want to exert myself, Bruneian things etc etc)...
Sigh... With my friends having left the OTC, and the friends I have left have been promoted (and hence won't be doing the same things as I am), and I don't go often enough to make new friends... I am friendless in the OTC!!! It is such a depressing situation!
Tonight, Fiona wasn't there and I was there standing alone with all these kids!!! (Seriously.. first years. 17year olds...) I don't feel the neccessity to befriend them as I know it'd be just superficial fake friendship which we'd build, if it can even be called a friendship!!
So yes... I'm thinking OTC is sucking the life out of me! Everytime I go, I always feel that bit lower. Should I quit OTC? But I do enjoy it... I don't want to quit. Emma used to tell me that I'd only get more if I give more... So perhaps the answer to all this is to put more effort in and do more OTC related things...
Can I do that? Do I want to do that? Do I want to be thiking OTC the whole time. Do wholly army-ish thing when I have breathing space? Do I? I am NOT superwoman! I know I can't do everything!! Sigh... My fikiran is bercelaru... This is possibly just a short-lived confusion.. But I must say.. the thought of leaving has been lurking in my mind for quite a bit now. I guess I'm afraid to quit, and I feel that I'd possibly get more out of OTC yet.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? I guess this is an unfair question, because you've not been in OTC.. Sigh...
Anyway.. let me end this with a happier note of why I like OTC:
1. I know slightly more army-ish related things now
2. Northern Cobra Ex 2 in Uganda with them
3. Access to rifles!!
4. Putting on camo is fun ;p
5. It does tests my fitness (everyone knows I hate walking!) and mentality (like this confusion that I have)
6. Ceilidh dancing!! =)
7. It's something different and fun
8. Taught me the 'art' of ironing greens and boots polishing (both of which I still hate!)
9. Regular officers (that means those who are full time army people) can be nice people even if they do have profane words coming out of their mouths 99% of the time!
10. And friends - at least two, whose wedding I will try my very best to go to!!!
3 comments:
Fets, i think i get what u mean. When ur friendless in this negeri org putih esp, it is so easy to feel like the wallpaper. But i think u should go on fets...its a lil bit away from medic, which is a gd thing! m in still in search to get away from meds! And OTC sounds cool, too, and ur right there will be many more to learn and this is the right time to do it (as opposed to when udah bekeraja).
I think ur right...give a lil more. its hard to do everything and m not saying u give ur all to OTC. but maybe go for one extra weekend than ur usual. anyway i think when the time is right, ull feel ready to stop OTC-ing. u dont sound as ready yet to me.
Take care, Salaam, Fiz
If you think it's really sucking life out of you then leave it behind. But if you find there are more benefits to it then keep on doing it. You're the only one who can decide what to do about it.
I guess you really do need to put more to it to get more out of it if you feel like staying in it. At least, it's entirely something else to think about than medic stuff right? You can get crazy by doing everything medic. That must be the thing that tips off the balance to the other direction. You do need to have that balance to keep you sane between medic and the other stuff. :)
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