Will it?
Everyday I've got to make decisions to help prolong patient's life, treat their symptoms, and make them feel that bit more comfortable.
Everyday I question my final decision, despite using all the brain power I have to make that informed decision.
Every time, I seek other opinions if I'm not sure myself.
I do consult "Dr Google", my 'bible', my seniors and the other multi-disciplinary team for their expert opinions.
Yet, the final decision lies upon me... Unless I've passed the buck and load off the job to someone else - then it's their problem, not mine..
Sometimes I know for definite that I've done the right thing..
Most times you wonder if you did do the right thing..
You hope you did the right thing ALL the time...
And sometimes,
- you can't fall asleep thinking about your decision,
- you talk it through with someone else, after you have left the hospital,
- you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare about what you have done at work - either something you did, or did not do,
- you fight the urge to go back to your ward to make sure things are fine,
- you call the on-call team, from home, to remind them to do something which you have forgotten to hand-over...
It's not just me, it's not just my peers at the same level... My seniors go through the same thing... I guess they feel worse as their decisions weigh more than mine.. But essentially it's the same, we worry sick!!!
Will it ever end? Let's wait and see...
PS: Please God, let me be able to get a goodwork/life balance. Amin!!
1 comment:
A lecturer of mine, a specialist adult rehabilation speech and language therapist once said this to me... (paraphrasing) ...
If you feel you have achieved all you have, and feel you have nothing more to learn then this field is not for you. The best people in science are the ones whom think they always have more to learn, they don't know enough, they care and wants to make 'mistakes' to learn from them. You aspire to be better than yesterday, because you know your decision is important and will affect the quality of life of others. This is what i want and hope you all to be...
I will always remember that, and i am happy to share with all of you Carmel's wise words...
To feel what you feel, you are on the right track.... never forget what it is... and forget yourself... sadly most of us do sometimes...
Also remember, you TRY to help people. May your diagnosis and treatment are good.. the final decision is made by god. Never ever forget that...
*hugs* persevere... You are touching and helping lives... thought they never say thank you, I know people are grateful...
In this field, that should and must be enough payment... To better health and peace of mind.
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